Partner for life

I received a call from my mum this afternoon.

everything was good until she asking me;

"Do you have a boyfriend yet?"
"No"

and there goes a long *unnecessary* advice that i start to piss off.
she mention my ex-es and how should i be worried at this age and why am i being too picky.

i was so piss off. why she has to say like that?
i know she is worried by why need to mention all of that?

tear begin to welled up in my eyes upon hanging up the phone. it feels like i let my parents down, to which i really don't like to do that. this is not an exam which i can study harder and hardest to make my parents proud, this is not. this is a quest of finding a partner of life, involving feelings, commitment, responsibilities.. something you can't push it.

i fail 3 relationship before. to which all of them i maintain and work hard in it.

but when it is not meant to be, it is not meant to be. you can push to pass in exam but you can't push someone's feeling. totally different.

i'm sad and frustrated.

i'm at point i don't want to look for him anymore.
i let him to come to me.
and if it is positive, progressing, it is then.
if it is not, it is not.

i wish it is easier.
i wish i can say to my mom...



"yes mom, i already have a boyfriend. he is....' *smiling proudly while mentioning all about him*